I was walking down the road to the mailbox today and a neighbor in his car asked in a passing motion, “how are you doing, neighbor?” To this quick and loaded question I forced a fake smile and lied, “good, thanks.” Satisfied, he drove off, already busy in another train of thought consisting of errands or meetings he was trying to catch. Why ask this question when it is obvious you cannot stay around to hear the real answer? So many times I want to blurt out, “I feel like crap; my insides want to be on the outside and I sometimes wish to no longer be living.” I suppose they are not publicly acceptable answers to what should be small talk questions but when you think about it, these small talk questions are quite loaded.
Anyway, I’ve become sidetracked from what I originally meant to talk about, the Circus. My husband and I attended Alegría : Cirque du Soleil. It was purely magical. I find that what makes the circus so magical is the ability of the performers and detailed sets to bring the innocent children out of us to play in a land of dreams. A land of dreams where nothing can hurt us, where nothing bad happens and where we can be anything and everything our heart desires. Even if for a short few hours, our minds are open and free. I also think that at some point during the show, each one of us wishes to be part of the event and perhaps takes on that character in our mind to make the performance that more real. For those sick, the circus means even more for those feelings are even stronger. The circus represents a place we all fight each day to get to. One with no fear, no pain and no negativity; only acceptance and beauty in its purest form of love. I love the Circus and greatly anticipate going back for Crique du Soleil’s performance of OVO in Seattle later next year.
4 Responses
Austin McGee says...
I’ve actually started truthfully answering those questions of “How are you doing?” I disliked people asking those and not wanting the real answers, so I’ve started giving real answers. It’s both cut down on those questions and also shown me who really cares and doesn’t care about how I am.
How you doing Kirby? 🙂 Come into the gym and say hi sometime!
Kirby says...
Hey Austin 🙂 I’m working through some stuff but hope to be OK, given some time. When I feel well enough I most definitely will meet up with you guys at the gym. I miss it very much.
Rachel says...
Hey, I am a total stranger to you but not the disease and I hear you on the how are questions; I used to get so frustrated with people and doctors asking that. Either I lied and said fine because it was to much work to really explain, or I told the truth and because all they see is that Ive lost some weight they think I am exaggerating … anyway I do a bit better with the questions now… I hope you start to feel better. I would also like to ask you a question, Are you able to work?
Rachel
p.s I like your blog is seems like it would be very therapeutic
Kirby says...
The blog is very therapeutic and I like the fact that there is hope that the personal information that I provide here might help someone like me years and years ago. It is such a new disease we really only have ourselves to lean on for information and discussion for treatment and activities to make living with the symptoms just a little easier. I can’t thank the Inspire sites of AGMD and Oley Foundation enough for what they do every day and hope that someday, people will be able to use this site just as readily for a real life account of just another person going through life with gastroparesis.
Side note: I do not work.
Take care,
Kirby