Living with Gastroparesis

I don’t normally do this but this sweeter than life lady was so woven into every fabric of my life and those of her friends both with illness and without, I wanted to do what I could to make her wishes known.

A great GP sister and one of my most cherished and best friend (her handle on the original GP forum) lost her fight from complications due to GP and diabetes. An event has been created on Facebook in her honor, as she would want it to be – Pay it Forward (for Karen). She also has a board set up by her funeral home where people may offer comfort or share memories. You can find that page here: Karen Marie Simons.

Her and her family prepared for this day, they knew would come. She has been resuscitated too times to mention and she never seemed to bounce back. I think, after talking with her husband, during the last few years she never caught up to be who she used to be. It has been hard but she ultimately won. I know she will be our precious angel comforting all of us as we go through what we know will be an extremely difficult time; experiencing feelings words couldn’t even begin to describe. Know I am here should you need help.

*Also – if you have pictures of her, her husband requests you either send him the pictures so he can send them to me, or you can just PM them to me, directly.* It would be greatly appreciated as we celebrate her life. Below is a copy of her wishes as written by her husband. Please follow them. If you need help getting the organizations she claimed as her favorite charities, the donations you wish to offer, let me know. We can get something worked out. I know myself, without talking much to Victor, was to adopt a kitten from her charity. I think she’d like to see that. It is hard and sometimes all we need to do is talk. Just need someone to listen and for any of you needing that help, I’m here. Always.

Share this everywhere you can. I want to make her wishes true and for her to see all effort done because of her wonderful, sweet life. Thank you.

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* Karen’s wish was no flowers she wants Mason county Kitten rescue and diabetes to benefit. (Shelters are always in need of food, toys, beds, etc., even if you are unable to actually adopt a pet) Let others know and and let it go viral. This was her wish. I thank you for your prayers.*
Miles (her husband)

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Today is one of those days that I want to give up and give in. I’ve done everything I can while doing everything asked of me (by medical professionals, family and friends) and yet, I experience roadblocks I just can’t clear. Even when I have someone trying to help, they are cut off. I feel like a prisoner within the walls of my home and broken body. When someone sneaks something through the bars, they are quickly identified, removed and banished. I have no where else to turn. No where else to go. I’ve tried hard to push for different treatments, medications and procedures. I’ve done everything else, what is one more? And if it helps to any degree, is it not worth it? With every setback and lack of positive progression, the balance of risk continually weighs heavier on my side.

I try to put up a brave front. I try to go through all of this with a positive outlook. I go into everything believing it will work, not just hoping. I put on a smile, trying to shutout the extreme pain and hardships I experience every single second of every minute of every hour of every day. Does that smile make people think that I’m OK? Does my outward appearance somehow convey the turmoil I feel inside? Maybe. And maybe I created that connection because most of the time, I don’t want people to know. I don’t want them to see me as weak, whiny and exaggerated. I’d rather be in control, even though I know the reality is the opposite.

My focus is on the here and now. I am not afforded the luxury of looking towards the future because everything is too uncertain. At least, I’ve been told that much. Not just by my doctors, but by family as well. You never really think of dying. It isn’t common practice to see your life in any other way than continuing on. Sure, you may live in the present but you plan for the future. To be perfectly and utterly clear, I do not want to die. And I don’t want others planning on me dying prematurely either. It isn’t even their right to do such a thing. If I’m still doing things to try and get better (even if you don’t agree with them), then who are you to take away my belief that one day I might be better and I might achieve goals I once had?

To say I’m frustrated and tired would be an enormous understatement. I’m not entirely sure where I’m going from here but know that the next few days are crucial to my future. My only hope is that they make my life a little easier, a little better and a little more clear. Only time will tell; hopefully it doesn’t take too much time.